Stan's Blog

Random thoughts...

...about my first experience with child birth education classes:

* Although I don't recall hearing the exact statistics, the instructor led me to believe there's at least a dozen births at this hospital per day. So where are the parents? Our class started last night with just TWO couples, and a third couple arrived a bit later. Seriously, I know some of these expecting parents already have experience due to previous children, but you'd think a greater percentage of people would be willing to spend three measly evenings learning how to care for their child. Kinda sad. The due dates from our three couples ranged from October 21 to December 4. That's roughly a 44-day window. At a dozen babies per day, that's 528 expecting couples and only three are taking this class. I know they offer additional classes, but you get the idea. If nothing else, I guess it makes me feel a bit more capable as a prospective parent. Surely if these other yahoos can do it, the wife and I will do fine.

* I've always thought baby food was disgusting. Food just isn't meant to be mashed and stuffed into a little glass jar. Well, not any more. Not after meeting an ol' boy named Mr. Placenta last night. That's what is feeding the baby right now. By my calculations, it appears to be 9,346 times more disgusting than mashed peas in a jar! Hopefully I'll either be holding the baby or lost in some dark hospital hallway before they "deliver the placenta" from the wife.

* Speaking of holding the baby, guess who has dibs on that? That's right. Yours truly, Big Daddy (just play along), is first in line to hold the baby. Apparently the nurse will take the baby from the doctor, wipe it down, warm it up, give it the once over, and then hand her off to me. That's going to be a special moment.

* At one point, I asked a question to clarify between the procedures for a C-Section vs. natural birth. And in phrasing my question, I said "vaginal birth" with a straight face. It just donned on me that it was perhaps the first time I've ever said vagina without chuckling just a little. This has to be what they mean when saying that having child will change your life.

* While we're discussing genitalia, you probably know that the wife and I are having a girl, but the other couples in our class are both having boys. Actually, one couple is having twins with a boy and girl, but the point is they have to deal with something entirely different than us: circumcision. Ouch. Just typing that makes me wince. Poor little guys.

* Okay, at 34 years old, I know I'm probably a little old to be a first-time Dad, but isn't 10:30 PM on a Wednesday kinda late to be dismissing class? C'mon lady, it's a school night!

Next up is Daddy Boot Camp on Saturday, then more child birth classes on the next two Wednesdays. Watch out world, I'm well on my way to Dadification.

posted by Stan W @ 11:02 AM